Hearthrobs

After exhibiting symptoms such as feeling giddy easily, getting hungry easily, moving bowels more often than before, craving frequently for sugary foods, Baby suggested that these might mean that I had a lack of insulin in my body. That means my body does not absorb nutrients and energy well, thus resulting in the wonky faints, incessant hunger pangs, and the regular toilet visits. Lack of insulin also means - diabetes.

That disheartening statement got me into a state of panic. And I resolved to finally visit the doctor the next day. Thank goodness I don't have to pay for the school doctor because I'm sure that the need to pay a private GP would deter me from seeking consultation.

As I sat in the waiting room of the clinic, my heart started to race. What if there was really something wrong with me? What if that resulted in escalating medical bills? What will happen to me? I was going to graduate this semester; life was only beginning!

Soon it was my turn. Wringing my hands in anxiety, I faced the doctor and explained my situation. To my horror, she did not assure me that everything was okay. Instead, she frowned and asked me under what circumstances my faints occured, if my period was regular, if I had immediately family with diabetes, if I was experiecing weight loss, if my hands trembled... I knew my hands trembled slightly. I heard it was caused by anemia, which I have always assumed was my primary condition. Anemia -> Lack of blood -> Lack of oxygen to the brain -> Giddy spells. That sounded logical to me and I accepted that explanation, never thinking my condition might be much more worse.

Anyway, I straightened my arms as told and my fingers shook slightly against my will. Then she asked me to walk a few steps, one foot in front of another, heel touching toes. I didn't know what she was looking for but I obeyed. Then I was asked to lie on the bed, pulled up my clothes, including undershirt, so that she could listen to my heartbeat properly.

But I was so nervous, my heart was palpitating. The doctor couldn't accurately measure my heart beat rate. She asked me to measure it myself, in the morning and night for seven days. Baby, smart aleck, it wasn't diabetes la. The doctor was looking out for symptoms of thyroid. Which sounds equally distressing. If my heartbeat were consistently high, I would have to go for a blood test.

If the pulse rate results showed that nothing were seriously wrong with me, it would simply mean that I was blessed with high metabolism :P

Okay... so I would finally know what my wonky faints mean in seven days' time. God bless me.

Reliving The Love

Yes, yes, I'm still raving about the concert. Spent a lot of effort in finding synonyms for excited, excitement, happy... Don't read if you don't want to.

.....*.....

After almost a decade of pining, an exhausted Baby, an excited Qing and an ecstatic Xiang made their way to the SIS. The Xiang bobbed up and down in elation, saying what she expected to see in the concert, what she would like to see, to anyone who would pay attention, while the three of them were shown to their allocated seats (with a pretty good view) in the $125 section of the arena.

The stadium was buzzing with anticipation. Malay girls behind us were teasing one other about they favourite Boys. Angmohs across the stadium were parading tees that screamed, "We heart BSB!" A lone girl sat in front of us, quietly breaking her lightsticks (you know how much we miss the Boys just by this girl who attended the show without company). And I bobbed up and down in my seat, grinning widely at the Sistic staff walking towards us.

It turned out that the Sistic ticketing system accidentally duplicated tickets of our seats. A very formidable (and angry) looking woman was standing behind the Sistic guy, pressuring us to give up the seats to her and her friends. Very well, we did - for the three empty seats in the $160 section the sweet Mr Sistic offered us as compensation. What luck! Even better view!

As people streamed into the stadium, I was worried that attendance would be bad, that the response would be lukewarm, that the audience would be prim and proper in their seats.

All uncalled for. Because the moment the lights went out, all the fans in the hall screamed and jumped to their feet, waving lightsticks madly. Suddenly everyone became crazy teenagers again. And better yet, as the Boys burst onto stage, the crowd surged to the front, as much as the section barriers allowed. And that wave of enthusiasm brought us to the front as well. With the additional expert help of Baby, the Jay groupie, we were so damn near, we could see sweat glistening on their faces! I tell you, of all the concerts I have seen so far, none ever had such a fanatical crowd (in Singapore). Even A-mei's outdoor concert, the people stood up in their seats only after one-third into the show. And we, the Backstreet fans stood through the entire show. The love was all around.

Like a painful release from the years of desperate yearning, Xiang leapt up and down and screamed till her uvula trembled as her eyes brimmed with emotion. A highly amused Qing has never seen her in such a hysterical state. Actually, not many have. Not Hui, not Agnes, not Jingli, not Rudi (although he said he could imagine exactly how I behaved).

Apart from a few technical glitches whereby we couldn't hear their beautiful voices (when the avid fans happily filled in the words for them), the performance was seamless. Energetic. Bountiful of energy as they danced the newly cheorographed numbers, cunningly inserted with Larger Than Life, All I Have To Give, Backstreet's Back's classic steps). Quoting Qing, "Nick (got so fat that he) danced like a pig." Still, our love is unwavered. Soulful. Soulful ballads belted out one after another, making Xiang weep with happiness. Overwhelmed, she clutched her chest and sang dreamily with the Pig. Mischievous. Howie and Brian stepped out of the barred stage boundary to touch the fans, causing instant uproars. Close though we were, we were not close enough! Wacky. Crazy Nick rolled on the floor while strumming the electric guitar. How adorable~

My eyes were fixed on my one and only almost thoughout the show. Pudgy, yes. Swollen, yes. Cute, yes. Lovely, yes! As he serenaded me, my soul detached itself from my body, reaching out to kiss him. It was ecstasy, I think. It was!

Nick Carter, I wanna marry you. I do, I do!

No gimmick. No encore. But still amazing. 48 hours after the concert, Xiang is still grinning from ear to ear from the memories of the night.


"You know it's true love when you still love a fat Nick Carter." - Qing

Just For Joanne Babe

My dear, I only just saw your message. Well, we're still waiting for the reimbursement. *drumming fingers* Mr Dawne Seah, we're waiting...

So many things are happening, but I can't share them with you :( Come back quick! I miss you loads. Have a really heartwarming CNY there ok? Don't miss home too much. And I must say again - don't come back three times your size, like you-know-who!

When You Fall In Love

You look forward to every moment with him
You feel contented just by thinking of him yet
Your heart aches with desperate longing when you don’t see him
You feel supreme happiness when you do
You don't care that his good looks has gone to the dumps
You look up to him in absolute admiration
You get lost in his eyes as he serenades you
You pull him to his feet when he falters

You are not willing to share him any other people

When You Fall In Love With The BSB...

(all over again)

You bounce in your seat in great anticipation while waiting for them to appear
You smile to yourself whenever you think of them yet
Your heart almost explodes with painful yearning during the years of waiting
You feel supreme bliss when you see them
You jump to your feet, like the rest of the crowd, when they burst onto stage, regardless of the less enthusiastic people behind you
You wave energetically for two whole hours hoping they will catch a glimpse of you
You don’t care that they have aged, or ballooned
You look up at them and scream uncontrollably
You sing your heart out along with them
You feel your soul detaching from your body as they serenade you
You shout your lungs out and fill in the words of the song when they failed to project their voices because of technical glitches

You want to share them with other people, the more the better

And finally, you just feel like you're going crazy before, during and after the show.

OMG! I so want to relive the concert!

I was so near, I could see sweat trickling down their foreheads. The arena was already buzzing with love and excitement before the show. Girls and boys bouncing in their seats in excitement and talking about their fave Backstreet Boy. Imagine the uproar when they appeared. So great is my love for the boys, I'm still smiling when I think of them and their fantabulous performance. No gimmicks. No encore. But still amazing.

Oei!

Why no one else defended me against Anonymous?!? Is it because you are like him, who can't see a joke even if it danced in front of him dressed in a tea cosy? ROAR!!

A Bride's Greatest Nightmare

If she invited me to her wedding celebration, that is.

For the past two years, I attended three weddings of my cousins, and was part of the jie-mei tuan for the first two. Another of my cousins warned me not to take part in so many for it was believed that a girl who took part in more than three wedding jie-mei tuans, would stay a spinster for the rest of her life.

Well, I can't be bothered about her old wives' tale. I have so many jie-meis, I can't possibly not take part in all their wedding celebrations in the future, even if I were married before them. There's no harm in helping my cousins once or twice, since I must be part of the jie-mei tuans for all seven of my jie-meis and Baby (and maybe other close friends too, like Qing, Jo and Agnes). I'm destined to be single either way, why not accept some fat hongbaos while I can.

Ever since I acquired the skill and intuition to look nice, I made effort to shine in weddings. That was three weddings ago. I would prepare two outfits for the morning tea ceremony and the dinner in the evening. I don't like the Singapore custom of treating a wedding dinner like CNY visits. I prefer it to be much more formal than that. (For my wedding dinner, if I ever got to hold one, the dress code will be cocktail formal.) To look presentable, I even sourced dresses from my friends. And thought of setting my hair at the hair salon, although I never did.

Once I made the effort, there was no chance the bride would look better than me. But hey, don't you know it feels so good to have someone tell you, "你好靓。" I must declare that I did not intend to look better. At least not wholeheartedly. I say it was the brides' fault for not looking prettier than me.

Jingli said I would get retribution for harbouring such an evil intention. Actually, it has been my lifelong ambition to outshine all my cousins. I don't know why. Academic-wise, which hasn't taken much effort, too.

Well, the target is my cousins, not you ok. So don't worry, Hui, that I will look nicer than you. I'm sure your radiance alone on your wedding day will outshine me ten feet away.

Shopaholic Outdone

So many things happened to me these weeks, I can't decide whether I'm ill-fated or blessed. Unlucky - Almost got knocked down by car. Can't get modules cos I overlooked the available time slots. Almost lost my wallet. Lucky - Good shopping deals. Didn't get hurt by the car. Overwhelming mahjong luck. Additional source of income. Found my wallet.

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that admist the crazy shopping for CNY clothes, it was great buys bonanza! I bought an outfit for each of the three days of CNY holidays. And additional finds from G2000 low-cut sale. And a bag for school. And yet another two pairs of shoes. And T-shirts for lazy Sundays. Oops.

To date, this is most expensive piece of apparel I own - $99. Bought to attend my cousin's wedding.

Followed by the gold long skirt, from Miss Selfridge, I bought for JC prom. Also $99.

Then I tailored a dress for no apparent reason - $95. Antics of a shopaholic - just like to own pretty stuff. Coincidentally, I got to wear it to two balls soon after the dress was ready. This is the only picture with me in the dress. Stupid of me not to take more (I need a camera!!) when it looked so fabulous, and when I looked so fabulous too :P

It looks like this. Has a big yellow satin bow at the back. My mum complained of the low neckline.

Usually, when I see something I like, I will not buy it immediately. Because it's too expensive. Because my friends and mother hover behind me and tell me not to waste money. But when I get home, I will keep thinking about it, knowing that I can't wait till sale period (my size is usually sold out during sales). I will toss and turn in bed, so anxious that if I go to buy it another time, it will be gone. That's when I know, I must get it no matter what the price is.

For instance, I have a pair of Kickers loafers that I yearned for so much that I didn't mind buying a size smaller since my size was sold out. The shoes were $70. Another pair, Vivi silver heels, only took me a week of contemplation. Guess what, it was sold for half price six months later when I bought it for $60. The skirt in the picture from Paragon below cost $60.

Recently, I got a soft spot for dresses. I thoroughly surprised when I outdid myself by splurging on one - $124. I thought I will not buy it when it caught my attention two weeks ago. But who can help it when the urge to buy suddenly hit so strongly in the morning that you decided to go to town to get it in between classes. (Stupidly, I left my wallet in school and made a wasted trip that 2-hour break. Yeah, I almost lost my wallet. It made me think that it was not meant to be.)

It's not even an evening gown. But it's really pretty! Just a sunday dress for yam cha and high tea. It's from GG<5.>

Which brings to to plan for CNY. Dear friends, I will be free after the morning of 大年初二. Take me out. Let me join you and your friends. It doesn't matter that I don't know them. Be it a mahjong game or a karaoke session, just let me accompany you. Show me off to your friends. Remember, I have pretty dresses. *stupid bimbo*

Menopausal?

And so, Baby and I reluctantly attended the retreat-cum-workshop for the staff and members. Surprisingly, it was not as boring as we thought it would be. I learnt about the scientific analysis of my personality (again!) and team dynamics (again!).

Luckily, the participants today were a jovial lot. Man, it made the facilitator earn easy money. Heard he pocketed $3000 for the 3- hour course. It was supposed to be 5 hours but was cut short due to their procrastination and an incident which I am about to narrate.

Towards the end of the workshop, when groups were animatedly discussing ways to attract new members, a member reached, very apologetic for being late. Shortly, she received a call that announced the arrival of our VIP, and she made to welcome him when another member said, "No no, the chairperson should go."

The chairman went, leaving the first member behind, unhappy and mumbling, "It's not that I want to go."

Unprovoked (I think), the latter raised her voice, "What did I say? What did I say? I didn't do anything wrong!" The other replied with the exact same words, in the exact same tone.

Suddenly, in the middle of the shouting match, one of them threw the paper she was holding in her hand onto the floor and started screaming, with screams that pierced through the chalet walls. Then the other dropping to her knees on the kitchen floor, screamed even louder and pounded her chest in fury.

The rest of us dropped our jaws in amazement. What the f*** just happened?? Even eye-witnesses could not identify the reason that sparked off the weird quarrel. What was there to be so angry (crazy) about?? Poor Baby was stunned to tears.

One thing was evident: the whole organisation was greatly divided. Everyone took sides even though they had no idea what was going on.

It took the VIP to settle the non-dispute. Strangely, the two women were joking and sharing mahjong money 3 hours lately. Weird - middle aged women and their menopause.

On The Roll!

Was the big winner for 3 consecutive mahjong games. And winnings doubled from each previous time. Lalalala... I have a winning formula that I'm not gonna tell~

Warning to all seasoned players - Do not look down on amateurs. Do not neglect the power of Lady Luck. AND do not voice out your contempt for beginners.

Because. You will lose like hell, to the greenhorn, whom you blatantly said to, "Play with me. I wanna win your easy money," before the game. AND you will be the biggest loser.

All Hail The Future Minister

The future minister, is yours truly. For those who don't already know, I work at the grassroot organisation of my neighbourhood, part time, for 1.5 years already. Since I'm graduating this semester, I have given my options a lot of thought. It struck me that since I have connections, playing a part in governing our nation sounds pretty enticing.

Over the months, I have witnessed a number political upheavals in the committee and was the victim of several infuriating incidents in which I was maligned (I will narrate a few anecdotes in the future).

Well, rising to political success is a herculean task. I will need to be approachable, helpful and enthusiastic, whether I like it or not. Working with a bunch of ineffectual seniors who are not united is drudgery. But I must slave through it. As much as I am unwilling, I'm going to join the committee of old fogeys in team bonding, a special activity for all the members. with a forced smile and faked enthusiasm tomorrow. Especially when the mayor is going - to be successful, we need to pull some strings eh.

I don't need to aspire to be hottest auntie blogger anymore. Me gonna be hottest politician / MP / minister / prime minister. Make way, Eunice Olsen!

The Best Way To Lose Weight

According to Bridget Jones, it's sex. I suppose the R&D inventors of a certain healthcare products company very much agreed with her. That is why they (or the comapny they copied the idea from) came up with a new eqipment that would simulate the activity.

I'm not sure if you noticed the ad. It's funny to see exhilarated ladies whooped while riding it.

Well, the equipment is designed to resemble a horse back and it moves up-and-down, back-and forth rhythmically, not unlike the motion of copulation. (I'm not sure of the equipment's exact name. Only remembered that Madonna rode it in her American Life MTV and Cameron Diaz rode it in Charlie's Angels Full Throttle.)

The comapny claims that the equipment can help you lose up to 6 kg in 90 days, for just a mere $998. Well guys, why don't we all just stick to Bridget Jones' way instead?

Oh I was searching for the price of it when I realised this equipment and its ad has provoked quite a lot of discussion in blogs and forums. *sniggers*

HA HA HA HA HA HA

Remembered once, (albeit a short moment) Tan Gek Leng believed me to be gay.

Jus bcos I was not respondin to his fren's advances affections.

Dear Gek Leng, you were jus not familiar with de way females think.

When they say no determinedly, ok... They really mean NO!

But when they say no gently, they are actually hoping to get you to try again.

Don't you know little girls jus like to play hard to get?

Okay... failed attempt to imitate Gek Leng's writing.

Once Upon A December

What a beautiful song. Lyrical yet sad... Remember watching the movie with Phyllis, Poffy and who? years ago. Everyone loves the movie theme song. So do I. But this is still my favourite.

Dancing bears, painted wings

Things I almost remember
And a song someone sings

Once upon a December.

I thought of the song while I looked back on my December. Yes, this was my December. Lonely and forgotten.

Yes, it was my birthday month but I didn't feel as happy as I thought I would be. Admist the birthday, wedding and festive parties and celebrations, I sat in the middle of the room. Lost and unnoticed.

You think I like to party, don't you? No, I like intimate, heart-to-heart sessions more. I prefer to sit by the fireplace, with a few soulmates, talking, joking, sharing, to raucous parties, where I don't know two-thirds of the guests. I had such a heartwarming gathering the week before Christmas with Joanne and gang. We sat in TCC, talking about our future (next semester, specifically - Jo was going to Texas for exchange for a whole 6 months. I'm gonna miss her so).

As we stepped out of the cafe, I suddenly thought I didn't want the night to end. I must have fallen in love with my uni friends. Well, I'm happy to believe that we are going to stay as friends for a very long time.

And thank you to the three dears who people-watched with me at Parkway Starbucks one Saturday, shopped with me at Borders on Christmas night, and splashed with me in Wild Wild Wet on New Year's eve. Yes, yes, I have become a shade darker despite my constant battle against the fierce sun.

But other than these, I was left alone, to stare at the TV blankly, to slowly understand that no one really wanted to spend Christmas with me.

As my eyes filled with tears, I saw all of my friends floating around me, light and transparent. They seemed to be with me, but they were not. Nonetheless, they at least heard me when I asked them, "Who do you want to spend your Christmas with most?"

And they replied, one by one.

Said Tay, "Church"
Said Sue, "Church"
Said Sushi: "Church"
Said Poffy: "Church and boyfriend"
Said Hui Ding: "Boyfriend"
Said Nian Fen: "Boyfriend"
Said Serene, "Boyfriend"
Said Peiwen, "Boyfriend"
Said Jo, "Church and Prince Charming"
Said Wanqing, "Girl friends"
Said Siyi, "Girl friends"
Said Dewei, "Girlfriend"
Said Ong Hui, "Family"
Said Agnes, "Family"
Said Yuneng, "Boon and gang"
Said Jing Li, "Whoever asks me first"

Then he kissed me on the forehead and dissolved into nothingness, like all the rest before him.

That was too much for my heart to take. It floated out if my body and hovered for a while, as if to say goodbye. Then, without warning, it dropped to the ground and shattered into a million pieces. I stood stunned, never knowing that it would hurt so much to know that I was special to no one.

Once upon a December,

Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through the silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...