Baby's Fashion Statement

"The best way to avoid having torn, tattered and dirty shoes is to have many, many pairs of shoes. By reducing the amount of time wearing each pair, we slow down the wearing out process."

Couldn't agree more :D

The Chow Sisters: The Death Of Kaka

13 years ago, Mel owned a smelly pillow known as Kaka.

Baby: Say sorry or... Or I'll throw your Kaka away!

Mel: Throw! I dare you to do it!

And so she did. Not into the dustbin but down the rubbish chute making sure Kaka could not survive the eleven-storey fall.

A girl's vicious and vengeful nature is already apparent at the tender age of six.

Seen In A Primary One Assessment Book

The rapist was taken to jail by the police.

Try explaining "rapist" to the child.

Ramblings Of A Mother-To-Be

Every once in a while, during aimless chitchatting, I am asked to ponder whether I want to have a boy or a girl. (Interestingly, the question of whether I want to have children at all is almost always omitted, when it should be the very first question to be asked.)

Just like beauty queens turning their noses at average girls, I, once crowned the Most Beautiful Baby, am stingy with praises for babies. My expectations are high. I want a girl, a little girl who is clever and has the precocious ability to charm everyone, a little girl who looks angelic in white summer frocks, a little girl whom every soon-to-be married couple fights for to be their flower girl. Basically, I want a little girl who is the replica of a little me.

Feel like punching the narcissism out of me already?

Then I am asked what if my baby turns out to be somewhat different from what I have in mind.

If my baby is not smart, she has to be irresistibly cute. If she is neither intelligent nor beautiful, I may have to smother her with a pillow and attribute her death to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, I will joke.

Usually at this point of time, beads of perspiration will form on my friends’ foreheads and stiff expressions will be plastered on their faces. I need to blurt, “I’m only joking!” to revive their smiles

Actually, I haven’t wholeheartedly meant it to be a joke. There are times that I seriously consider the option of killing my baby if she is not up to expectations. But, I will then think what if Fate wants to punish me for my frivolous thoughts and really blesses me a baby who not bright and not pretty? Just to test my limits, to see if I will carry out my threat.

Beautiful parents can have physically flawed babies. News about a celebrity’s newborn scares me very much. Do you know that treatment for hare-lipped babies take a lengthy 18 years, in a few stages, to complete? Their condition not only spoils their appearance, it also affects their ability to chew and talk. Imagine the trauma the child needs to go through.

Besides this, it is also probable that smart parents may have less intelligent children. And what if the baby has Down’s Syndrome? We have to go through the agony of deciding its fate. To give it a chance to live or to save it from a life of suffering?

And then, what if giving birth, which apparently makes a woman whole, causes her desirability and amount of time for her husband to plummet?

I shudder and come to the conclusion that the safest thing to do is to not have babies at all.

I think about the same question all the time. Sometimes, I decide that as long as the baby is healthy, nothing else matters. Sometimes, I optimistically think that I will definitely have a healthy, beautiful and clever baby. There is nothing to worry about. Sometimes, I conclude that having no children at all is the best bet. I really do think about the question all the time. What the hell… I’m not even getting married yet.

This Is How A Sunday Should Be Like

Getting up at eight in the morning. Going to temple to pray. Getting lost in the wilderness of Bishan/Thomson. Having breakfast at Crystal Jade Palace with family. Reading newspapers at breakfast. Jostling with the library crowd at Expo all by myself. Scouting for the best buys at the old books sale. Getting bumped by people holding stacks of very thick computer guide books. Nabbing one out of the only two Photoshop manuals found in the whole non-fiction area. Providing free A Math tuition for Baby's pal. Wolfing down Mummy's heavenly cooking. Rejoicing at the Gruu's 4D strike. Watching The Hulk on Channel 5. Whispering sweet nothings to the phone. Gobbling up fishballs from the coffeeshop. Reading How To Kill Your Husband (and other handy household hints). Falling asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

:)

The Chow Sisters: The Pessimist And The Eternal Optimist

A girl stared at the sisters walking past.

Noel: Why is she looking at us like that? Did my mascara run? Is there a spot on my nose?

Mel: She is staring because we're chio.

On National Day, We Are Singapore

When I was six, I debuted on national television in the We Are Singapore video. You must have had glimpses of me in the next ten years.

Every year, only I in the family bothered about the flag. I put it up irregarding my neighbour's trecherous cactus which threatens to poke me with its needles just under my arms. Clumsy me was indeed poked once. I wailed in horror when I saw the many needles sticking out of my elbow. Oh, the pain I go through, just to fly our flag.

I have never watched the NDP as a spectator but have spent long hours rehearsing for it as a performer in 2001.

I have been serving my community for more than two years.

I know at least 90% of our National Day songs.

On the eve of National Day, all the kids were dressed in red and invading Tampines Mall (and other malls) at 1pm. Not realising this, I was also clad in red.

On the morning of National Day, it was rainy and cool. I wore a jacket to breakfast. I did not realise until I reached the restaurant, that my jacket was red.

The little things I do may just be simple gestures, perhaps not good enough to prove my loyalty. I wonder how much my patriotism can be stretched, in times of difficulty, in times of war. But for now, it makes me smile, to be part of the patriotic spirit.

Note to foreigners: If you plan to visit Singapore, come at this time of the year. It is a spectacular season when flags fly, spirits soar. And you get to see a lot of fireworks. Luverly :)

Ah... The Possibilities of $1.5 Million

Isn't it amazing how much hope and happiness one little piece of Toto ticket can hold? It is not even winning the prize but just the chance of winning it.

For the whole day, I burst into giggling fits repeatedly thinking of the condominium estate that we have fallen in love with. Thinking of beautiful Maldives resorts where fishes swim under our feet. Thinking of a $2000 LV bag. Thinking of a lavish wedding. Thinking of Lasik to cure my blindness once and for all. Thinking of paying off my student loan at one go. Thinking of many silly little dreams.

Feeling blissful just by imagining. I'm not going to check the results for the time being :D

Where's Molly?

Finally, finally, finally. Presenting... Molly.

More to come!

The Essential Handbook For The New Boyfriend

Congratulations on winning the heart of our very lovely sister.

However, the challenge does not end here. Brace yourself for the most intimidating hurdle -no, it is not meeting the parents; it is the interrogation ritual by the sisterhood.

The interrogation ritual is a gruelling cross-examination that all new boyfriends have to go through. Your personality will be tested and your background investigated. Basically, you will be grilled till you reveal all essential information that is needed to help us judge your character. You will need to use all the wit, charm and tact that you possess to gain our approval. DO NOT think that our approval is not required. Try ignoring our presence and your life will be made extremely miserable. Sounds alarming? Welcome to the sisterhood.

Due to the wave of excitement that you have stirred up in our little circle of love, a few members of the jury may appear overly enthusiastic during the interrogation. They may also ask a number of embarrassing questions. Understand that they only want the best for their friend, i.e. your girl, and you will be able to deal with it admirably.

Lesson #1: Recognising the interrogation ritual
Depending on which of us you are dating, you may or may not know in advance that you are about to go through the interrogation ritual. In case you have not been warned, here are a couple of tips:

1. It is the first time you are meeting your girl's girlfriends, i.e. us.
2. There will be a turnout of at least 70% of the girls, mainly to meet the new boyfriend, i.e. you.

This is the easy part - to recognise your looming challenge. The difficult part, of course, is facing the actual interrogation. But don't fret, the following lessons teach you how to be well prepared for it. You can be assured that you will only need to go through the interrogation ritual once. Pass it with flying colours and your girl is yours to keep. Until you start to mistreat her.

Lesson #2: Ten-Year Series
Apologies for the lack of a Ten-Year Series for your reference. After all, none of us have played the dating game for more than ten years. We do have a few standard questions, however. Spend a moment or two to think through them.

• Where do you study/work?
• How many siblings do you have?
• Where do you live?
• If you are working, how much do you earn?
• How did you win her heart?
• How many girlfriends have you had?

Consult your girlfriend for more.

Lesson #3: Members of the jury - 知己知彼，百战百胜
Some characters you may meet during the interrogation:

Head cross-examiner - gets excited easily; talks non-stop (sometimes she answers her own questions); teases mercilessly; angers easily. Charm her because she is the opinion leader.

Vice head cross-examiner - down-to-earth; friendly; exists to make sure the head examiner does not go overboard. She is one you should make the most effort to befriend as she is the most likely person to stand on your side (within reason) if you ever fight with your sweetheart.

Sherlock Holmes - intelligent; observant; asks the most unexpected questions. She will sniff out your lies, so beware.

Blur queen - perpetually lost; asks the most unexpected questions (not the kind that makes you nervous but the kind that makes you laugh); makes jokes that may have been funny ten minutes ago. Stifle your giggles and be patient with her.

Lesson #4: Ace the interview!

Do not just whisper to your girlfriend the whole time. Take the initiative to direct questions at the girls too. Make the interview an interactive one, not a one-way questioning.

Be proactive. Offer to help set up the BBQ pit, or wash the dishes. Chivalry scores in our community.

Do not make petty comments under ANY circumstance.

Dress appropriately and smell nice. Important! Make your princess proud.

Lesson #5: Last note
Rest assure that not all the pressure is on you. Your girl may be as frightened as you are, lest the sisters expose her most embarrassing secrets to you. Nonetheless, if you can put these lessons to practice, both of you should be able to emerge from the interrogation relatively unscathed. Lighten up and good luck!

By the way, if you ever mistreat our girl, BEWARE. Because copies of you will end up on our notice boards/dartboards with pins and thumbtacks sticking out of your head. Because we practise a little voodoo. Then misfortune will befall you.