Papa The Football Gruu

So he thinks he's tough. He thinks he's the man. His secret ambition was to be a professional footballer. But unfortch, he was born under the British Commission, which warranted him no chance to shine on the pitch, even though he did win a local league a few years ago - in the Senior category for senior citizens.

His next best alternative was to be an analyst. But because he doesn't write well, unable to fully understand what the commentators say, cannot read the various English sources of information through the Net, magazines and newspapers, he can't be a professional analyst. The best he can do is to use his knowledge and analytical skills to win money from bookies (before football betting was legalised) and Singapore Pools.

I have to admit that his predictions were pretty accurate, earning our family numerous sumptious meals. He boasted that his friends all consulted him for the latest tips and best bets and even crowned him the Football Guru (波神 in Cantonese）. And he claimed that people made pilgrimages to listen to his speeches at a coffeeshop on Saturdays. Doh. How big-headed can one get?

But in the past couple of years, the Guru started to falter. Failed predictions started to mount.

At the beginning of this season's Champions League, he placed a bet on Benfica *rolls eyes* to be the Champions. His rationale was that whichever team beat Man U in the League would go on to win the League. That, is totally based on empirical evidence, i.e. totally unreliable as a basis for predictions. But seeing that the odds were pretty high (1:50), I didn't say much. If he proved himself right once more, he was entitled to collect a thousand dollars from Singapore Pools.

So came the first round, Benfica beat Liverpool with a wham. The Guru held his head high, saying, "I told you so," to anyone who would listen. Then, news came out that Benfica was to meet Barca in the next round. He trembled in his shoes a little. First leg, goalless draw. He heaved a sigh of relief.

Then a fellow gambler came along and offered him $500 for his ticket that was worth $1000 (he placed a $20 bet at the beginning). Sounds enticing huh but, the stubborn old man refused! He had so much pride in his prophecising ability that he rejected the offer with zest.

And then came the second leg. You know how it went. Benfica played terribly. Barca shone. Really, all Benfica needed was a draw. It couldn't do it, resulting in great embarrassment for the Guru. I suppose he will be stripped of his crown very soon and the guy who offered to buy his ticket must be laughing behind his back.

Of course, I'm not saying that it was his fault that Benfica played like shit. I'm only saying that it was downright stupid not to have accepted the $500 offer. Grrr.... Football Guru?!?! My foot! The old man is seriously losing his touch. He needs to redeem himself in the coming World Cup.

I welcome everyone to come celebrate the comeback of the Football Guru in June.