Wolf Howling, Spring Cleaning

Do you know that during days surrounding the full moon every month, it is widely believed that human beings are more jittery and flare up more than usual? We all have an inner werewolf in us.

Like the effect of full moon on us, Her Royal Majesty's behaviour is just as affected by another astrological phenomena - the first day of the lunar year, generally known as Chinese New Year. As the day of red packets and bak kwa close in on us, Her Supreme Highness is exhibiting signs of bad temper while she goes about the annual spring cleaning regiment.

It really is a nuisance to listen to her relentless tirades. Even when she is not within sight, our ears are not spared on how we are not filial, how we ungrateful we are, and nonsense like that. The scene will remind you of the deranged old woman who sits alone at the void deck spouting insults at no one in particular.

After 20 years of the similar treatment, us mere mortals learn to be careful not to step on her toes and go about our duties before she directs her attention on us.

This post started out as a reminiscence of the forgotten things I found during spring cleaning. Turns out to be an angsty rant against the Celestial Queen. Feels like 14 years old all over again. Haha. Will write about my old stuff in another post.

Siang vs. Xiang: Progress Report (Jan 2010)

2 weeks into challenge,

Xiang: Can breathe freely in an old dress which once became too tight to wear.

Siang: Appetite escalated.

开学恐惧症

If you observed the following symptoms (1 day - 1 week before school starts) in your little sister, you can be sure that she has a phobia of starting school:

1. A bout of stomach aches and dizziness (not faked). The fear conditioned her body to display biological symptoms in order to skip school.
2. An irrational display of tantrums, "I want to wear Hello Kitty shoes!" in the middle of the night.
3. An attack of anxiety. Never go out with family on the Sunday before school starts because there's bound to be some unfinished holiday homework. It's always a bummer to need to return home in the middle of a movie just cos there's a "week's worth of Maths assignment to be handed in the next morning".

This is a condition the family has to endure throughout the little sister's school life. Oh, remember to check that the uniform still fits after a short 4-week school holiday. You don't want to have the unpleasant shock that she doesn't have any fitting uniform on the first day's morning.

Bedroom Concert

There are so many things you can do in the privacy of your bedroom. Such as singing and dancing in your undies. ('Tis not my example. Just AN example.)

My favourite bedroom activity is to hold a Bedroom Concert.

Gasp! You mean you have never held a bedroom concert??! I tell you, it's the shiok-est thing!

You have never pranced around the room holding a hairbrush as a microphone? Or jumped on the bed belting out your favourite songs? It would be half-hearted if you just mouthed the words with the actual song playing on laptop. You need to sing every note with gusto to show that you are a serious singer. By the end of it, you should be feeling as breathless as you would have been if the concert was held in the Singapore Indoor Stadium.

That night, I had an encore segment that overran the time limit. My fans were so enthusiastic I couldn't disappoint them right? :D

Mighty Mouse

My friend has a cage of 3 greying hamsters which he wasn't allowed to bring to his new chichi apartment. He asked if I could take the poor little things under my wing at Jalan Tenaga. To which, of course I refused. I'm not fond of animals of any kind.

To make his case stronger, he proposed that if I met with any danger, these hamsters would turn into Mighty Mice and fly out of their cage (with cape flapping behind their backs) to save me.

The imagery cracks me up no end.

P/s The picture above is not a hamster.

The Biggest Loser: Siang vs Xiang Edition

In the name of good health (in actuality, vanity), my boo and I have pitted ourselves against each other for our own version of The Biggest Loser.

Duration: 6 months

Challenge: Be slimmer and fitter than the other

First measure: How many layers at the stomach each has when we sit and slouch?

Second measure: How much of the belly sticks out of hip when standing?

Third measure: How perky is the butt?

Fourth measure: Is there visible cellulite?

(more to be set as we progress)

He claims that while his stomach is bigger, it's hard and taut - strong muscles. *pui* I say it's hard and taut from too much beer.

Part of the strategy to win is also to tempt the other to eat more. So that he/she can be fatter and flabbier. And Bedok 85 is the ultimate challenge of determination.

The moment you step into the area, smells of barbecued food attack your nostrils and you salivate. Your stomach churns in happiness at the prospect of receiving the guilty pleasures.

At Bedok 85, you have to learn to be a monk in a brothel - nothing is temptation, temptation is nothing （空既是色，色既是空）. Amitabha.

To win, not only we need to resist, we need to use all of our cunning to coax each other to eat oilier and more fattening food. For example, he'll nod his head towards the neighbouring table which has a plate of newly grilled, juicy and crispy chicken wings. Today, I gulped, clenched my fists and looked away. Victory!

Sometimes, I suggest "Let's have grass jelly, it's really hot today." He will grunt (as if trying very hard not to agree), "No, there's too much sugar in that drink."

The first week has just started. I'll try to document our progress. May the best man win.

Traffic Lights (Another Bites The Dust)

And so, another of you decided to join the dark side. Congrats and much love!!

*****

At the beginning of Uni orientation, we are supposed to tell our group members a bit about ourselves. To make it easier to define our relationship status, we have to indicate whether we belong to the Red, Green or Amber categories.

Red - Attached, Taken, Unavailable

Green - Single, Available

Amber - It's complicated.

But as we progress through the age boxes, these 3 may not be enough to define the stages of life we belong to. This is how I categorise my girl friends.

2 - Green Light

2 - Red Light

1 - Amber Light

2 - New car (Engaged)

1 - Car parked (Married. Gasp!)

0 - Car scrapped (With kids. Oh, the horror!!!)

You know who you are :D