What a beautiful song. Lyrical yet sad... Remember watching the movie with Phyllis, Poffy and who? years ago. Everyone loves the movie theme song. So do I. But this is still my favourite.
Dancing bears, painted wings
Dancing bears, painted wings
Things I almost remember
And a song someone sings
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December.
I thought of the song while I looked back on my December. Yes, this was my December. Lonely and forgotten.
Yes, it was my birthday month but I didn't feel as happy as I thought I would be. Admist the birthday, wedding and festive parties and celebrations, I sat in the middle of the room. Lost and unnoticed.
You think I like to party, don't you? No, I like intimate, heart-to-heart sessions more. I prefer to sit by the fireplace, with a few soulmates, talking, joking, sharing, to raucous parties, where I don't know two-thirds of the guests. I had such a heartwarming gathering the week before Christmas with Joanne and gang. We sat in TCC, talking about our future (next semester, specifically - Jo was going to Texas for exchange for a whole 6 months. I'm gonna miss her so).
As we stepped out of the cafe, I suddenly thought I didn't want the night to end. I must have fallen in love with my uni friends. Well, I'm happy to believe that we are going to stay as friends for a very long time.
And thank you to the three dears who people-watched with me at Parkway Starbucks one Saturday, shopped with me at Borders on Christmas night, and splashed with me in Wild Wild Wet on New Year's eve. Yes, yes, I have become a shade darker despite my constant battle against the fierce sun.
But other than these, I was left alone, to stare at the TV blankly, to slowly understand that no one really wanted to spend Christmas with me.
As my eyes filled with tears, I saw all of my friends floating around me, light and transparent. They seemed to be with me, but they were not. Nonetheless, they at least heard me when I asked them, "Who do you want to spend your Christmas with most?"
And they replied, one by one.
Said Tay, "Church"
Said Sue, "Church"
Said Sushi: "Church"
Said Poffy: "Church and boyfriend"
Said Hui Ding: "Boyfriend"
Said Nian Fen: "Boyfriend"
Said Serene, "Boyfriend"
Said Peiwen, "Boyfriend"
Said Jo, "Church and Prince Charming"
Said Wanqing, "Girl friends"
Said Siyi, "Girl friends"
Said Dewei, "Girlfriend"
Said Ong Hui, "Family"
Said Agnes, "Family"
Said Yuneng, "Boon and gang"
Said Jing Li, "Whoever asks me first"
Then he kissed me on the forehead and dissolved into nothingness, like all the rest before him.
That was too much for my heart to take. It floated out if my body and hovered for a while, as if to say goodbye. Then, without warning, it dropped to the ground and shattered into a million pieces. I stood stunned, never knowing that it would hurt so much to know that I was special to no one.
I thought of the song while I looked back on my December. Yes, this was my December. Lonely and forgotten.
Yes, it was my birthday month but I didn't feel as happy as I thought I would be. Admist the birthday, wedding and festive parties and celebrations, I sat in the middle of the room. Lost and unnoticed.
You think I like to party, don't you? No, I like intimate, heart-to-heart sessions more. I prefer to sit by the fireplace, with a few soulmates, talking, joking, sharing, to raucous parties, where I don't know two-thirds of the guests. I had such a heartwarming gathering the week before Christmas with Joanne and gang. We sat in TCC, talking about our future (next semester, specifically - Jo was going to Texas for exchange for a whole 6 months. I'm gonna miss her so).
As we stepped out of the cafe, I suddenly thought I didn't want the night to end. I must have fallen in love with my uni friends. Well, I'm happy to believe that we are going to stay as friends for a very long time.
And thank you to the three dears who people-watched with me at Parkway Starbucks one Saturday, shopped with me at Borders on Christmas night, and splashed with me in Wild Wild Wet on New Year's eve. Yes, yes, I have become a shade darker despite my constant battle against the fierce sun.
But other than these, I was left alone, to stare at the TV blankly, to slowly understand that no one really wanted to spend Christmas with me.
As my eyes filled with tears, I saw all of my friends floating around me, light and transparent. They seemed to be with me, but they were not. Nonetheless, they at least heard me when I asked them, "Who do you want to spend your Christmas with most?"
And they replied, one by one.
Said Tay, "Church"
Said Sue, "Church"
Said Sushi: "Church"
Said Poffy: "Church and boyfriend"
Said Hui Ding: "Boyfriend"
Said Nian Fen: "Boyfriend"
Said Serene, "Boyfriend"
Said Peiwen, "Boyfriend"
Said Jo, "Church and Prince Charming"
Said Wanqing, "Girl friends"
Said Siyi, "Girl friends"
Said Dewei, "Girlfriend"
Said Ong Hui, "Family"
Said Agnes, "Family"
Said Yuneng, "Boon and gang"
Said Jing Li, "Whoever asks me first"
Then he kissed me on the forehead and dissolved into nothingness, like all the rest before him.
That was too much for my heart to take. It floated out if my body and hovered for a while, as if to say goodbye. Then, without warning, it dropped to the ground and shattered into a million pieces. I stood stunned, never knowing that it would hurt so much to know that I was special to no one.
Once upon a December,
Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through the silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...
Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through the silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...
6 comments:
Do better next year...organise some gathering and invite us...its not realli nobody wanna spend with u la...anyway hav to correct u...YN was not w boon and gang... anyway Xmas for me is over celebrated becuz i'm free tinker...its jux any other day to me, really. And for tat asshole. He's still my friend. Damn. 2006 will be better. =)
cheer up girl...i agree with dw :)
hey xiang,
cheer up!! u r one of my girl friends too mah~! dun ya know im a hermit? LOL.
wtf...i stayed at home playing computer OK. IT WAS XMAS N MY 18th bday. So what?
next yr we go overseas N celebrate!!!!!!!!
leave this f-ing place
I know yn was not with boon la. He's in China ma. Read again. It was what I imagined he would say if I asked him who he would like to spend the day.
I never liked to expose my vulnerable side to anyone but this time... well... it's a spur of the moment.
And aiya people... I'm not as sad as how I portrayed it. It's definitely an exaggeration. Just wanted to squeeze some creative juice.
Anyway, I'm recovering from my pensieveness. Will be up and bouncing very soon. Thanks for your love. Yay~ I'm loved after all!
And for those who are wondering, Chow is Baby, not me.
Hahaha...if that's the case,
slight amendment to my comment. I would have said 'Myself' :PP
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