The Horror Flick

Why must horror flicks have names that begin with The? Perhaps that's the formula for box office breaking records, as claimed. If we were to come up with a horror script and name it like this, it might sell well too! Let's try.

The Scarf
Many decades ago, a jealous man casted a curse on a beautiful scarf. He gave it, as a goodbye gift, to the woman who left him for another man. Two days later, the woman was found at her home, strangled to death by her very own scarf!

Coming to today, a girl buys the same scarf from a vintage store. And the horrors unleash from here.

The Umbrella
Many decades ago, an umbrella maker so proud of his umbrella making skill decided to put a curse of one of his prized creations, to curse the others who treat his art with contempt. Anyone who mistreated the umbrella would be found trapped and suffocated in it days later.

Coming to today, an unsuspecting granny buys the same umbrella from a flea market. And the horrors unleash from here.

The Computer
Many decades ago... (Oops, computers don't usually date so far back. Let's try again.)

A few months ago, a factory worker was murdered on a computer assemble line in his factory. (We don't need to explain why he was killed.) His incensed soul was embedded into one of the computer chips.

Coming to today, a family buys the cursed computer. And the horrors unleash from here.

The Chewing Gum
Angry with the world, a witch casts a spell on all the chewing gum in the universe. People start chewing the cursed gum and die one by one. By none of them can stop chewing. Chewing and dying, chewing and dying.

All except Singaporeans. LKY appears on TV, in tears, and says, "I told you so."

The Horror Flick
Easy. It bores you to death.

Inspired by First Magazine (I forgot which issue.)

Felinophobia (Fear of cats)

I hate cats, both neighbourhood or domesticated ones. My hair will stand on end when I see one near me. I will imagine that it's preparing to run at me any moment. I cannot bear the feeling of one brushing against my leg. Brr...

Once, I was at 85 with my family when a cat appeared behind. I didn't even see it. I only saw my sister's eyes widening in warning that I raised my legs and screamed. 10 tables turned around to look at me. And my family disowned me. We haven't been to 85 since. Boo...

I used to be so infatuated with a cute Malay guy that I considered wooing him. Until I remembered that Malays are generally fond of cats, and there's a high probability that they rear cats at home. What a pity.

I wonder when I started to be afraid of cats. I remember I used to protect my mum from them. Yes, my mum is felinophobic too. Perhaps it's under the influence of my mother that I began to think that cats were scary. Then, my fear was exacerbated by the protection of my boyfriend. With a hero around, I didn't have to be brave anymore.

Haha, that's why I am felinophobic.

The Xiaodong Syndrome

The Xiaodong syndrome seems to be inherent in the sons of my mother's family. A boy with this syndrome are extremely shy, to the extent that it gets irritating. But when they are among themselves, they snigger at the stupidest things.

As you know, we are supposed to greet our elders when we meet them. A boy with the Xiaodong syndrome will whisper "__ Auntie" and scoots off. Hey, you are almost 20 years old. Can't you show more guts when talking to the elders?

I once met one of them on the street. I went up to greet him. He said hi and scooted off in the opposite direction. I was left there alone, bewildered. What's up, man? Why are you even afraid of a younger cousin? Anyway, Xiaodong is not his real name. It's a nickname from goodness knows when. I don't why too. His real name is nowhere similar to Xiaodong. I named the Xiaodong syndrome after him because he is the ultimate representation of it.

I spotted the same syndrome in a neighbour's kid. He is 8 years old. He seems to have a more serious case of the Xiaodong syndrome. He doesn't even greet my parents when he sees them, just like his older brothers (how rude). I happened to share the lift with him and another neighbour's kid once. I smiled at them.

The other kid (to me): Hello.

The other kid (to him): You know who she is? She stays next to me.

At this, he turned to face the wall (!?!): No, she stays opposite you, not next to you.

I was baffled. Why must you turn to the wall? What are you so ashamed about that you can't face me? Oh, maybe you are the one who stole my shoes.

Kids with the Xiaodong syndrome are so not lovable. My future son will never be like them. God bless. My son is going to be bubbly and a little cheeky and gets the adoration of all the elders.

The Solitaire Mystery

Do you believe in coincidences? Do things happen out of pure coincidence or they happen for a reason? Was it coincidental that I appeared, and became part of your life? Or was it intended?

I think about my course in NUS - the fact that I was interviewed by one faculty, but ended up in another, even though this was already my first choice. I wonder about my busy JC life, which took up 16 of my 24 hours of each day. I also think about the teacher who made me her pet in my early teens, causing me to fervently strive to meet her expectations, and became top in the level. I like to wonder about the many schools I attended when I was a child.

I don't think it is a coincidence that I was born. Nor is it by chance that my parents met at a football match. It is not a coincidence that my father came to Singapore to learn the art of the goldsmith when he was only 17. It is also not a coincidence that my grandparents came to Singapore and raised 12 children. The list goes all the way back. I came bawling into the world on 10 December, 1984, because of everything that happened before me.

It is not a incidental that I am in your life. I am here to love you, to hold your hand when you have no one else. I am here to hug you when your world turns grey, to hold you in my embrace when you need a little comfort. With me, your world becomes a lovelier place.

I am here to be loved. I turn to you when I am abandoned by everyone. I want to hug you when my world turns grey, to hide in your embrace when I need a little comfort. With you, my world becomes a lovelier place too.

Thank you, my friends.

This post is inspired by The Solitaire Mystery by Jostein Gaardner (and all my loves).

To Hell With DOM

The most disgusting species to walk the earth: not (all varieties of) cats, not bull frogs, not baboons but DOM - Dirty Old Men. According to my definition, DOM not only refers to old men aged 60 and above. When I mention DOM, I mean all men, of all ages, who form dirty images in their minds when they see sweet, innocent girls.

Apparently, DOM have all the time in the world to sit around at coffee shops, shake their legs (By the way, men who shake legs disgust me to bits), with one hand on their crotches and the other with a cigarette / mug of beer / cup of coffee. And they sneer.

Once, a girlfriend of mine walked past a coffee shop infested with DOM and one of them called out in mandarin, "Wah, still growing ah?" referring to her bosom. How foul is that? She might be well endowed but that was no reason for anyone to behave in such an uncouth manner. Oh, speaking of disgusting men. Her boyfriend was around when the remark was thrown at her. Guess what he did? Nothing. Nothing!?! 'Nuff said.

Sometimes, DOM hit the streets too, probably to go to Yangtze cinema. I was the victim of street DOM many times. I was chasing the bus once when I jogged past a DOM who stared, sneered and muttered, "So big, hor." If I were not already on the bus, I would have turned around and punched him.

You can spot DOM easily. They all have the same sneer. And they like to stare shamelessly. Their crude behaviour gives rise to ultimate disgust in many girls. Where's our gracious society? Why can't we do anything about them?

I sincerely wish that none of my friends will become DOM in the future.

Inauguration

Haha, and so I go with the crowd. But no one is to know about this.