Bedroom Concert

There are so many things you can do in the privacy of your bedroom. Such as singing and dancing in your undies. ('Tis not my example. Just AN example.)

My favourite bedroom activity is to hold a Bedroom Concert.

Gasp! You mean you have never held a bedroom concert??! I tell you, it's the shiok-est thing!

You have never pranced around the room holding a hairbrush as a microphone? Or jumped on the bed belting out your favourite songs? It would be half-hearted if you just mouthed the words with the actual song playing on laptop. You need to sing every note with gusto to show that you are a serious singer. By the end of it, you should be feeling as breathless as you would have been if the concert was held in the Singapore Indoor Stadium.

That night, I had an encore segment that overran the time limit. My fans were so enthusiastic I couldn't disappoint them right? :D

Mighty Mouse

My friend has a cage of 3 greying hamsters which he wasn't allowed to bring to his new chichi apartment. He asked if I could take the poor little things under my wing at Jalan Tenaga. To which, of course I refused. I'm not fond of animals of any kind.

To make his case stronger, he proposed that if I met with any danger, these hamsters would turn into Mighty Mice and fly out of their cage (with cape flapping behind their backs) to save me.

The imagery cracks me up no end.

P/s The picture above is not a hamster.

Our Cinderella Love Story

This week's i-Weekly cover story is on the evolution of modern day princes. I wanna give my 2cents worth for I am one who can't resist a fairytale love story. I will start by describing two most desirable kind of guys who exist mainly in TV dramas.

The One with the Silver Spoon
Do you remember Tokyo Cinderella Love Story? I think Karasawa Toshiaki was every teenage girl's fantasy boyfriend in 1996. The rich heir to a powerful family business only has eyes for a plain Jane because she is kind, sincere and not pretentious. He will romance her in ways that the man on the street will never be able to. Like this:

To have a man who has everything to worship you, what more can you ask for?

The Bad Boy
Bad boys are attractive because they are reckless. Their rule bending ways give girls a sense of adventure, which make their lives exciting. He will be mean to everyone, especially the girl. But the rare moments of TLC to the girl will send hearts a-fluttering. Less is more - We get really silly when it comes to bad boys :) Also, the girl's maternal instinct will want to tame the bad boy so that he will settle down with her. The idea of the bad boy changing his ways for her is a dream come true.

Recent years, idol dramas have created a hybrid of the above 2 categories - the bad/mean/naughty rich heir. Which made them all the more desirable.

The Cinderella love story is an evergreen fantasy. With time, it will just be packaged in different ways.

My own Cinderella fantasy is being the apple of the eye of a pop star. He has the world at his feet but only has eyes for me *swoons*

The Case Of The Broken Vase

The Mystery

Yesterday morning I went to work and saw that my notebooks and papers were soaked; my desk was wet. Tracing the source of the water, I realised that my vase was broken into 2 pieces. It was still standing but a bottom corner was slightly "detached" from its body, explaining the leak. Before I noticed that my desk was wet, I actually thought that my flowers were very thirsty and drank up all the water over the weekend.

The Queries

1. When did it happen? Friday night? Saturday? Sunday or Monday morning?
2. Who broke my vase and pretended to put it back? He/She did not even bother to dry my desk!
   
3. There was no reason for anyone to approach my desk unless he/she intended to wreck havoc. The flowers and the vase were from my boo. Who then, bore such hatred for me?
   
4. Why did the vase break at the bottom? If it was dropped or knocked into, wouldn't the top part chip instead? Unless it was dropped vertically on its base.

The Witness

The cleaning auntie was the only one who would touch my desk, to pack my papers and wipe the table. She said that on Saturday, the vase was still intact. But she did not see the coward who not only broke it, he did not dare to admit (or clean up after him).

The Theories

1. The cleaning auntie broke it but didn't dare to admit.
2. Someone was fooling around with a netball (inter-department Captain's Ball competition was coming up) and accidentally knocked the vase with the ball. And kept quiet about it.
3. I had a secret admirer who went berserk when he saw the flowers from my boo. Fondness became hatred which turned into violence. He then fled the scene.

The Conclusion

Each of the above was as unlikely as the next mainly because of the evidence left behind. My vase was not some expensive antique and I am an amicable person. There was no reason for the culprit to be afraid to own up or at least clean up the water.

And then, I had a stroke of brilliance.

Did you notice that the weather was very erratic over the weekend? It was super hot, then super chilly during the rainstorm. The vase must have been subjected to the sudden change in temperature. And it broke.

This would explained why the 2 pieces were so neatly placed together, and why my papers were left to soak in the water. If it was an accident, a normal person would be frantic about saving the documents, wouldn't he?

The vase was pretty thick. It could be that the outside surface contracted but the inside couldn't adjust in time, resulting in cracking and eventually breaking.

Oh man, what a genius! Call me Detective Chow!

But all of the above were just deduction. The only thing that was certain - the vase has become useless. And I cut my finger on the broken glass.

The End

明星。爱情。梦。

I'm delighted by this news. It's like reading a happy ending to a love story (though it hardly is the ending, of course).

Maybe it was my lifelong dream to fall in love with a celebrity, to the envy of all his fans. In my dream, I'm the girl next door - the plainest girl he choose to fall for.

In my dream, the celebrity often changed faces - For a while in 1998, it was pre-balding, still hot Prince William. Sometimes it was Nicholas Tse or Chilam. Most of the time, it is Nick Carter... Ahem, the list gets too embarrassing to go on.

In my dream, he serenades me in front of 10,000 screaming fans. I think once he even proposed to me onstage during a soldout concert.

So I think I feel a strange affinity to Mrs Lau (above pic).  爱情万岁！

OK stop sniggering!

One Degree Of Separation

(Follow up from here.)

OMG! I officially confirm that I am separated by just one person from the Backstreet Boys!

One of my bosses (the one I mentioned before) strutted over to my desk and pointed to a news clipping of the BSB performing at the upcoming Singapore's F1 race, "What's this?!"

I said, "Oh, I'm going to the F1 to watch them, cos they're performing!"

"Oh, is it?"

"Oh I heard you knew them!" I exclaimed.

Proudly, almost smirking, "Yes, I even toured with them for a month."

Of course, the little fangirl went all impressed and "Wah!"

Then he pointed to Nick and said, "He's very girl crazy. The rest... are pretty okay."

Yay! How exciting to know a bit more about my fantasy boyfriend. I almost can touch his face already!

MM Lee Sees Great Potential In Me

We were not in an unfamiliar environment - at a grassroots function. You know, I used to be part of the grassroots organisation...

He came up to me and said, "I've been noticing you and your contributions to the community. Once you have a firm stand in the working world, I encourage you to be a grassroot leader. I see great potential of you becoming stellar in politics."

Of course, it turned out to be just a dream.

Office 有鬼?

At 10.30pm at night, I was at my desk analysing some data on my PC when the error messages start popping for every programme that was opened and declared that they needed to be shut down.

First thought that came to mind, Hell! I think I didn't save my work on the multiple Excel files!

Then, Hey! Why did my PC shut down on its own?!

And then, I heard (or thought I heard) some rustling some metres away and the sounds that resembled a female singer's voice on a cackling radio.

So I tried to make as much noise as I could to mask the maybe imaginery sounds (I didn't dare to turn back to check) by arranging my table noisily and calling my boo who didn't pick up.

In the end, I called the security guard who was at the guard house some 7 floors below my floor and asked him to come up to escort me down. I was the last person in the whole building to leave.

It took him a good 5 minutes to reach and I was trembling uncontrollably. My palms filled with sweat. (Even as I typed this, my palms are starting to get wet again.)

Alamak. So scared.

Ending thoughts, I used to think my previous job had an impossible work load. That was why I had to stay late night after night. Now I'm still staying back at the new job. Am I just a slow poke or what?

Jeepers Creepers On Channel 5 Last Night!

I bet you can't believe I watched Jeepers Creepers last night instead of cramming last minute information for my history exam this morning.

1. Given the number of free days that I had before this paper, I didn't need to do last minute studying this time.
2. It was great bedtime entertainment!

Don't Watch Two Scary Movies, One Action Flick And A Non-Deserving Team Win The Match In A Day

Caught a gory quickie at Lido yesterday afternoon. No, it did not freak me out. In fact, I found the show amusing. Nah, it wasn't scary, just bloody. Nonetheless, I had a nightmare last night - woke up in cold sweat when my alarm clock rang at 5 am telling me to take my medicine. I guess I couldn't differentiate reality from dream in my groggy state cos I had images of crazy killers prowling about my house when I woke up. So I lay on my bed, frozen, not even daring to open my eyes while the clock beeped shrilly.

Only when I was a little more awake few minutes later, I concluded that there could not be demented killers outside my room. Then I pulled my blanket off me, skipped over to the beeping clock, clambered into bed, covered myself with the blanket and shut my eyes tightly, all within a second.

Actually, I think the nightmare stemmed from a scarier movie I watched on Star Movies last night, a nail-biting crap show called Creeper Jeeper (or something like that) featuring a bus full of high school kids being attacked by a man-sized, man-looking, winged-like-a-bat creature.

Oh, maybe the killers in the nightmare were inspired by the assassins in the Bourne Identity I caught on Channel 5 in the evening. And stress was added on when Boro's kiddo reserve goalkeeper couldn't stop the goal.

Two scary movies, one action flick and a disppointing football match in a day resulted in me missing one dosage of medicine and miserably enduring a full bladder till the sun came out.

DOM Beware...

Hey look, this is me. I'm in my gloomy room now, sharpening my little knives, about to go on the mission of the night.

Sources told me that a girl was taken advantage of in a crowded shopping mall. She was alone and helpless. She didn't have time to react. The lecher was smart, he didn't touch her. He simply took a picture from underneath her skirt, to satisfy his pathetic desire later in his rundown apartment. Ah... the evils of the camera phone. They should be abolished. But that's not what I'm going to do today.

Now, I'm going to hunt for the loser and slice him up, so he'll never feel the desire to mar the dignity of another innocent girl. Wait, I'll need a little disguise.

Cute huh. OK, I'm off. Out into the night to hunt for the crook. I have the most amazing gadget. It tells me where my target is. I see, he's at a deserted cinema now, alone in the back row. There are a few couples here and there watching the show. He has comfortably seated his paunchy self directly behind a pair of lovers who are hardly concentrating on the movie. Giggling, smooching, their hands and legs all tangled up. But this does not give any DOM the right to peep. All right, time to work.

Unknown to the man, I sit myself next to him in my adorable little outfit. In my best sultry voice, I bend over and purr into his ear, "Hey mister, what are you looking at?"

He sits up in alarm. I lie back into the seat and smile at him. Twirling a strand my hair with my fingers, I say, "You are very naughty..."

He gulps, then smiles awkwardly. He starts to say something when I bend towards him and whisper, "Let's show them we can do better." I nod towards the oblivious lovers in front.

Nervously, he fumbles with his belt while I watch him with ultimate disgust. I'm waiting for the right moment. Then, as suddenly as I appeared, I flashed out my knives and "Argh-!" The pathetic man lets out a bloodcurling scream.

I have done my job. I'm now back in my room, out of my disguise. Sharpening my knives once again, waiting to feed the next DOM the medicine he deserves.

鸟啦

Almost every morning, I get shaken from my dreams by bloody birds. They sit on my window sill and screech. I toss around for a few minutes before pulling off my covers grumpily and yell at them. Shut the F up! I shout. Friends will know that I don't spout vulgarities, not even when I'm alone. Imagine how frustrated I get.

The idiots will hop around happily as if I just praised them for singing so beautifully on a Sunday morning, 8 am. Friends will know that I need my beauty sleep. Anyone disturbing me for no reason are subjected to my wrath.

Sometimes, I grab a roll of poster off my study table and try to push the birds off the sill. But I usually can't bear to. Anyway, they seem to realise my irritation recently and they move away. Away to the ledge behind the wall where my bed is. I can't reach out to hit them anymore, and they sing as shrilly as ever. 鸟啦.

The Horror Flick

Why must horror flicks have names that begin with The? Perhaps that's the formula for box office breaking records, as claimed. If we were to come up with a horror script and name it like this, it might sell well too! Let's try.

The Scarf
Many decades ago, a jealous man casted a curse on a beautiful scarf. He gave it, as a goodbye gift, to the woman who left him for another man. Two days later, the woman was found at her home, strangled to death by her very own scarf!

Coming to today, a girl buys the same scarf from a vintage store. And the horrors unleash from here.

The Umbrella
Many decades ago, an umbrella maker so proud of his umbrella making skill decided to put a curse of one of his prized creations, to curse the others who treat his art with contempt. Anyone who mistreated the umbrella would be found trapped and suffocated in it days later.

Coming to today, an unsuspecting granny buys the same umbrella from a flea market. And the horrors unleash from here.

The Computer
Many decades ago... (Oops, computers don't usually date so far back. Let's try again.)

A few months ago, a factory worker was murdered on a computer assemble line in his factory. (We don't need to explain why he was killed.) His incensed soul was embedded into one of the computer chips.

Coming to today, a family buys the cursed computer. And the horrors unleash from here.

The Chewing Gum
Angry with the world, a witch casts a spell on all the chewing gum in the universe. People start chewing the cursed gum and die one by one. By none of them can stop chewing. Chewing and dying, chewing and dying.

All except Singaporeans. LKY appears on TV, in tears, and says, "I told you so."

The Horror Flick
Easy. It bores you to death.

Inspired by First Magazine (I forgot which issue.)

The Solitaire Mystery

Do you believe in coincidences? Do things happen out of pure coincidence or they happen for a reason? Was it coincidental that I appeared, and became part of your life? Or was it intended?

I think about my course in NUS - the fact that I was interviewed by one faculty, but ended up in another, even though this was already my first choice. I wonder about my busy JC life, which took up 16 of my 24 hours of each day. I also think about the teacher who made me her pet in my early teens, causing me to fervently strive to meet her expectations, and became top in the level. I like to wonder about the many schools I attended when I was a child.

I don't think it is a coincidence that I was born. Nor is it by chance that my parents met at a football match. It is not a coincidence that my father came to Singapore to learn the art of the goldsmith when he was only 17. It is also not a coincidence that my grandparents came to Singapore and raised 12 children. The list goes all the way back. I came bawling into the world on 10 December, 1984, because of everything that happened before me.

It is not a incidental that I am in your life. I am here to love you, to hold your hand when you have no one else. I am here to hug you when your world turns grey, to hold you in my embrace when you need a little comfort. With me, your world becomes a lovelier place.

I am here to be loved. I turn to you when I am abandoned by everyone. I want to hug you when my world turns grey, to hide in your embrace when I need a little comfort. With you, my world becomes a lovelier place too.

Thank you, my friends.

This post is inspired by The Solitaire Mystery by Jostein Gaardner (and all my loves).

To Hell With DOM

The most disgusting species to walk the earth: not (all varieties of) cats, not bull frogs, not baboons but DOM - Dirty Old Men. According to my definition, DOM not only refers to old men aged 60 and above. When I mention DOM, I mean all men, of all ages, who form dirty images in their minds when they see sweet, innocent girls.

Apparently, DOM have all the time in the world to sit around at coffee shops, shake their legs (By the way, men who shake legs disgust me to bits), with one hand on their crotches and the other with a cigarette / mug of beer / cup of coffee. And they sneer.

Once, a girlfriend of mine walked past a coffee shop infested with DOM and one of them called out in mandarin, "Wah, still growing ah?" referring to her bosom. How foul is that? She might be well endowed but that was no reason for anyone to behave in such an uncouth manner. Oh, speaking of disgusting men. Her boyfriend was around when the remark was thrown at her. Guess what he did? Nothing. Nothing!?! 'Nuff said.

Sometimes, DOM hit the streets too, probably to go to Yangtze cinema. I was the victim of street DOM many times. I was chasing the bus once when I jogged past a DOM who stared, sneered and muttered, "So big, hor." If I were not already on the bus, I would have turned around and punched him.

You can spot DOM easily. They all have the same sneer. And they like to stare shamelessly. Their crude behaviour gives rise to ultimate disgust in many girls. Where's our gracious society? Why can't we do anything about them?

I sincerely wish that none of my friends will become DOM in the future.